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So I was watchin David Attenborough.. he makes his money out of flies and that dun’ he
[Being a slug] would be impossible, I’d just chuck me self into the salt pot or something. I’d hate that, that would be horrible, that.
They’ve found this spider, in the jungle. Three foot long, it eats chicken. Bit weird, innit? People moan saying that you shouldn’t lock animals up and all the rest of it, but to be honest I wish it was locked up. The idea that it’s roaming in a jungle…get it locked up.
I saw a cockroach playing Pacman. It was on the internet, right, and somebody had linked up a cockroach to some…I can’t even be bothered explaining it, but that’s what I’m sayin’…everything is moving on.



It was an awkward situation because she was happy with [the ultrasound]. I was like: “Oh God.” It was an odd looking thing. I couldn’t say: “Oh, it looks like you.” ‘Cos that would be a dis.
Read about a pub which is gettin’ some stick ‘cause it stopped a horse goin’ in. It’s been the horse’s regular for ages, but some new owners have taken over the pub and they said they’re servin’ fresh food and don’t want a horse in there anymore.
If I was [Noah], I would have gone, "Hang on a minute, I’ve just seen somethin’ that looks a bit like this, let it drown", have a bit of a clear out, but he was messin’ about savin’ everythin’



…In Britain old people are forever seeing big changes to places and saying ” in my day it was all fields ‘ere”, which makes them feel old in the head and so they die. Just a theory.